A question people often ask about me
I get a lot of very odd questions from people. Some of them make sense, others are a bit out there. Here’s just a sampling -
Q – “Are you a lesbian?”
A – No, I am not. My life would be so much easier if I were, though. I’ve tried it. It’s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. However, I do find the female form more aesthetically pleasing than the male’s, in most cases, and have had numerous conversations with my male coworkers about boobs. Perhaps this is why I have more women flirting with me than men.
Q – “Are you French?”(alternately, “Are you Canadian?”
A – “I think I am to some degree”, and, “I have a whole bunch of relatives I’ve never met in Canada.” I couldn’t tell you most of my ethnic makeup. I’m white. I’m really, really white – but not in that stereotypical uptight kind of way.
Q – “I love your ears. Can I touch them?”
A – Thank you, and please don’t. I can’t stand people touching my ears, particularly complete strangers(yet, when it comes to getting pierced, that’s a whole other ball game). It’s even worse when they don’t ask first. I have to restrain myself from hitting customers when one sticks their finger in my ear and asks, “What’s that piercing called?” Please, I implore you, you have your own ears. Use them as your reference point, not mine.
Q – “What does (insert word here) mean?”
A – This usually comes from one of my coworkers, at which point, I will define the word, write it on a Post-It, and stick it to the shirt of the inquirer. This happens at least once a day. Of course, the conversation of one of last week’s vocabulary words – “cunnilingus” – will probably rage on for many years to come.
Q – “Why do you have three cats if you’re allergic to them?”
A – I love my cats. I have had cats my entire life. I didn’t develop the allergy until I was about 12, and I just learned to manage it. Sneezing every now and then isn’t a good enough reason for me to abandon my girls. They’re all I have to come home to.
Q – “Are you talking to yourself again?”
A – Constantly. It gets especially bad at the supermarket. it helps me keep track of things, just as writing lists does. I’ll write a grocery list, and remember every single item on it – even though the list is on the dry erase board on my fridge. I’ve also written lists for roommates, and they have come home and told me that everything on the list is in the exact order they found it in the store.
Q – “Speaking of supermarkets, what is your fascination with going to the grocery store?”
A – Growing up, it was one of those rare things that my mom and I got to do, just the two of us. Now, I think the appeal of actually being able to afford groceries, bringing them home, and cooking something awesome factors largely into this. Also, I am a people watcher. I sit back and watch how human beings interact with one another. The supermarket is great for this. It’s kind of like Jane Goodall and the chimanzees – watching humans in their natural environment. At the grocery store, they are competing for supremacy – who gets the best parking spot, who grabs the last package of ground beef or toilet paper, who has the most and best coupons. Survival of the fittest can be a very interesting concept when watched from the outside looking in.
I know what you’re going to ask – yes, I know I’m weird.
